Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
