dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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