If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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