Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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