I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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