This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
