I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
