More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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