I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
