I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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