3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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