Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
