ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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