Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
