You're completely useless in the revolution.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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