Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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