A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
