before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
it hurts more in the daytime
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
