Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
