i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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