fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Who wears a wallet chain?!
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
