Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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