i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We got so high we made milksteak
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
