Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
