**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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