he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
