If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We don't watch enough power rangers
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Let the clothes fall where they may.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
