every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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