just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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