Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
