Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
