i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
