I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
