you guys were way drunker than both of me
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
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i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
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So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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