Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
