I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
