well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
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He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
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I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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