We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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