just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
