I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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