Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize