Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
