JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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