Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
