If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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