All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
