i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
