you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
