That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
