I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
