Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
