like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
