Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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