and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
