There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
