At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
