only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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