i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
