I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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