Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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