My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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