Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Randomize
