I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
