I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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