i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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