yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
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I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
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I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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