Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
