Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you will always have a special place in my vag
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
