I molested 6 butterflies tonight
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
