Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
