i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize