so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
